The month of love is here! Suddenly, people who have been eating Ga Kenkey in peace all year now want breakfast in bed with Babe written in ketchup.
Sorry o, February is for lovers. If you’re single, kindly wait for March 6th to celebrate your independence.
But for the men in relationships, Ghanaian Valentine’s Day has bitter truths you must accept. Read carefully and adjust your expectations before you catch unnecessary BP.
1. Your 5-year relationship is inside someone’s 6-month anniversary.
You’ve been dating her since Mahama’s time, but someone who just met her after AFCON is calling her My Forever.
2. You’ll buy her a gift, but another man will take her out.
You’ll be there wrapping teddy bears and perfume while another man is picking her up in a Benz for dinner at Kempinski. Accept your role.
3. If she says, Awww, you don’t have to get me anything – you better get her something!
My guy, it’s a trap. If you believe her and come empty-handed, she’ll tell her friends you’re not serious.
4. Side chicks will receive better gifts than main chicks.
While the main chick is getting It’s the thought that counts, the side chick is getting hair, nails, and a whole weekend getaway.
5. Announce your visit before you go to her place.
If you don’t want to faint, call before you enter. The odds of meeting another man with his shoes already at the door are higher than ECG giving you 24-hour light.
6. Ghanaian ladies don’t keep flowers— MoMo instead.
That bouquet you spent GH¢500 on will be lying next to Kontomire leaves in the fridge by the next morning. Just send MoMo and save everyone stress.
7. If she doesn’t post your gift, you are not the main guy.
If she posts Self-love is the best love or just a picture of food, my brother, start praying. Somebody’s iPhone 15 is blocking your perfume.
8. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, just accept your fate.
Your babe will wake up in another man’s bed on February 15th and still text you, Babe, I had a quiet night at home. Believe it at your own risk.
9. If her phone is suddenly on flight mode from February 13th to 15th, don’t ask questions.
She’s not in a plane. She just doesn’t want disturbances from other suitors.
10. Buy a proper gift—her girls’ group chat will judge you.
If your gift is nonsense, she won’t complain, but her girls will laugh at you in the group chat with See what Kofi got me .
11. If she posts, Some people don’t deserve my love, your Val’s Day performance was poor.
If she doesn’t like your gift or date plans, she will sub you online like a disappointed WAEC candidate.
12. Any man who says “Valentine’s Day is just another day” is either broke or a side boyfriend.
Boys will be forming “Love is everyday” only when their account balance is shaking.
13. If she starts calling you Bro in February, just move on.
Bro, how was your day? means your replacement has arrived. Save your dignity and walk away.
14. If you don’t plan anything, another man will.
If you think Oh, she understands, Chairman is already warming his car.
15. Don’t argue with her on Val’s Day—you will lose.
Even if she says 2+2 = 7, just agree. Any mistake and you’ll be spending the night alone while she’s comforted elsewhere.
Stay woke, kings! May Chairman’s chair never locate your relationship this Valentine’s Day.
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